Sharing Secrets
by waterbaby134
Summary: Because Jane's always been the type to play his cards close to his chest. Spoilers for 7x01. Don't read if you don't want to know.


**Just a little idea that came to me while watching 7x01 (which I adored, for the record.) **

**Don't read if you don't wish to be spoiled.**

**Rated K+.**

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

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Patrick Jane had grown accustomed to keeping secrets. From the carny life, to the CBI, he had always known that there was a right time to withhold information and a right time to reveal it. He believed that knowledge had kept him alive over the Red John years, among other things.

Things like Teresa Lisbon, for instance, his dark-haired, green-eyed saviour, who was the human embodiment of a sparkling, beautiful soul. His opposite in so many ways, but his carbon copy in others. She was tenacious like him, but compassionate and giving of herself in a way he could never be. She was his support system when things got too much, his beacon of hope, and his guiding light. Some days, she was the only reason he'd been able to get up in the morning, knowing she'd be waiting for him at the office, watching the clock, worrying about him. He'd never liked to make her worry unnecessarily. He'd never enjoyed causing her pain, but sometimes things had just worked out that way. His secrets were more important than her peace of mind; and her safety superseded his own need to confide in someone.

Of course, in the beginning, he hadn't been nearly so altruistic. She and the CBI had been a mere stepping-stone. They would provide resources for finding Red John, and he would close their other meaningless cases in return. It would be a relationship entirely of convenience, and when the CBI ceased to become useful to him, he would leave. He would keep his secret plan to take down the serial killer who had ruined his life. When he finally tracked him down, he would tell nobody. He would go to meet Red John himself, and if he died in the attempt, than so be it. The world could only get better with one less con man in it.

He hadn't counted on finding somebody he might actually _want_ to tell things to. Who he could trust implicitly, no matter what. Who refused to back down and never gave up on him, no matter how many times he let her down. Who had a smile that brightened the whole world around her, even a twisted shell of a person like him. If he'd been the religious type, he would have said that she had been put there by God as a test of his resolve to stay the course he had chosen. Revenge was a solitary pursuit.

Wonderful though she was in so many ways, she was also incredibly distracting. Sometimes, there were days when Red John passed through his mind only fleetingly. And sometimes, when he was teasing her, or bickering with her, or napping on her couch, Red John would disappear from his consciousness completely; albeit temporarily. It was though she acted as a kind of shield, her goodness and light holding the demons at bay, just for a little while.

And then suddenly, there had been another secret to lock away inside himself. The kind of secret that could potentially unravel everything he'd been working for. Nobody must know how important she had become to him, what she had come to mean to him. Not even her. _Especially_ not her.

For she wasn't all that good at keeping secrets. Her innate honesty made her a poor liar and an even poorer actress, when she was under pressure. He sometimes tried to inject a little deception into her thought processes when he could; that same honesty made her vulnerable to all kinds of opportunistic people in the world; himself included. Though truth be told, he never really tried very hard. He couldn't bear to take away one of the qualities he liked the most about her, even for her own good.

So she went on being honest, being caring, and opened her heart to him. He saw it in the way she looked at him sometimes, heard it in her voice. He noticed the way her days seemed to revolve around him, how her moods mirrored his, anxious when he was anxious, smiling and playful on the lighter days, sad when he was sad. She sought him out after long cases and sat beside him, as though hoping her mere presence would be enough to make it better for him It was dangerous, the road they were heading down, it was handing weapons to his enemy. It was setting him up to pay a price that he wasn't willing to pay.

It wasn't just him that noticed these things either, he'd soon found out. Whispers seemed to follow them around the bullpen and throughout the building, and he felt curious eyes on the two of them as they walked into her office and closed the door behind them.

She either didn't notice or didn't care. He knew he was her biggest priority, and that every day he came back to the office unharmed she considered a job well done.

But still people kept talking, and he knew one day, the news would reach Red John, who would have no hesitation in taking her away from him in the most brutal way possible. He couldn't risk that.

So he locked her out of his attic, tried to shut her out of his plans. Guarded his secrets with the same kind of zeal that she had when chasing criminals. And for a while, it had worked. It had hurt her, he knew, but it would be better for her in the long run. But she forced her way back in, and he had made the fatal mistake of letting her.

After returning to America, he tried to do the right thing by her, gave her space, kept his mouth shut as she explored a romance with Marcus Pike, working hard not to let the truth slip out by accident.

And then, she'd announced she was leaving. He'd done his job too well, convinced her was indifferent to her, and that he wouldn't mind if she left him for a new life in DC.

He told himself it was the best thing for her. It was.

Then, he told himself that he was OK with it, as long as it made her happy. He wasn't.

So he stood in front of a plane full of people and finally told her the secret he'd been keeping from her for so long. And she forgave him yet again, and she got off the plane, and she let him finally kiss her in the TSA interrogation room, with a guard watching.

From then on, keeping secrets from her became a thing of the past.

Keeping secrets _with_ her, however, was another matter entirely.

He understood in principle why she wanted to keep their new relationship out of the office. Professionalism was one of her deepest personal codes, and though she'd never admit it, her job was her sole reason for existence. At least at the moment.

He planned on changing that.

It would be a good thing for them to figure things out without the whole of the FBI watching to see if they fell. He understood that. Agreed with her, even. But for the first time in his life, silence was not what he wanted.

Teresa Lisbon was with him. Teresa Lisbon loved him. Teresa Lisbon _chose _him, over a man ten times the man he was, who could, and would, give her everything. He wanted to scream it from the rooftops, tell anyone who cared to listen, just so she'd know that he understood how lucky he was. That he wasn't taking her for granted anymore.

Two weeks ago, he'd been on the verge of losing her forever, and today, they were closer than they had ever been. But he couldn't tell anyone. It wasn't what she wanted. It would make her unhappy, and he was through with making her unhappy.

So he swallowed the urge to wrench the phone from her and tell Abbot that she knew_ exactly_ where he was, and that they had rarely been apart for the last two weeks.

He'd play it her way until she was ready, and instead concentrate on showering her with all the love and affection he'd been denying her for too many years.

He had a lot of catching up to do, but he wasn't convinced she'd ever have any real comprehension of how precious she was to him.

He'd never been less inclined to keep a secret.

But it was worth it to see her smile at him, radiantly beautiful, as she pulled the origami swan from her pocket, to know that joy on her face was due to him. One day, the FBI, and all the world would know it. But for now, it was only the two of them.

Their little secret.

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**Hope you liked it.**


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